So I've been struggling with a lot of stuff.
A woman, mostly. I don't want to go into a lot of detail, but basically, I gave my heart to someone. It has been in her possession for as long as I have known her. Recently, she decided that my love was not good enough, nor was my friendship.
I learned very recently from a third party (trustworthy source, if you're curious) that she told that person that she did not love me anymore.
I lack the skill to describe in words what happened to me on Monday night. I can only explain (inadequately) that I literally lost all hope. Not, "OMG, this is so terrible, I'm heartbroken." I was certainly that, of course. But this was worse. Literally, All. Hope. Gone.
I had no future, no reason to live.
Let's try an analogy, shall we?
Do you remember the boat scene in Superman Returns? The Nice-Guy-Who-Is-Not-The Hero tries to do it himself, tries to save the day. But the situation is more than a mere mortal can handle. Though the attempt is noble, he fails, and Guy futilely pounds the glass as he and everything he truly cares about is sinking beneath the waves of despair, plunging away from the light of life to suffer a slow death, cold and alone. And then--
Boots on the porthole. The music builds at the arrival of the World's Greatest Hero. Where lesser men fail, He never fails. No problem is beyond His ability to handle. Even if He dies to do it, He will save the day.
The Hero lifts him out of his despair, away from death, and back into the light. He casually tears away the hatch, and looks down. And He speaks.
"Give Me your hand." The one and only-- or 'only begotten', if that's your flavor-- Superman.
There have been two points in my life where God so openly and inevitably moved that I could feel Him; only two points where He-- literally!-- saved my mortal life.
Once was in Afghanistan.
The other was Monday, April 27th, 2009.
But Christ did what no comic-book character could do: He gave me hope back.
God created me for a reason. He has brought me here, to this place and this time, to do something. What, I don't know. But I do know that if it *is* that good, that whatever I'm to do is so important that He will perform genuine miracles to make sure it happens...
I wanna stick around, and see what it is.
"Be of good cheer; for I have overcome the World." -Jesus Christ