The ramblings, rants, and observations of an Orthodox Reactionary. Feel free to look around!

Sunday, May 3, 2009

Wolverine *****SPOILERS******

Saw X-Men Origins: Wolverine last night.
It was meh. Save your money.

The Good:
- Wade Wilson. 'Nuff said.
- Wolverine is a sympathetic character-- something I've always felt the movies managed well, despite their flaws. (The comic book Wolverine, on the other hand, is so hideously overpowered and obnoxious that I wish Galactus would show up and eat him. And shat the remains into a black hole. That ends directly in whatever passes for the bowels of Nyarlathotep.)
- They made Sabretooth an engaging and interesting character.
- The opening sequence was simply great.
- The "Only I am allowed to kill you" moment between Logan and Victor.

The Bad:
- They butchered Deadpool. He doesn't talk, is a mindless drone, has way too many powers, has swords in his arms, doesn't talk(!), wears pajama pants instead of his awesome Red/black outfit... oh, and did I mention he doesn't talk? The "Merc with a mouth" DOESN'T SAY A SINGLE WORD.
- Stryker's final plan. So, you made Wolverine indestructible, pissed him off, let him come straight to you, and when all else fails, what is your plan? "I will shoot him in the head with these special plot-device bullets, which, even though he'll heal, will cause amnesia. There's no way this plan could backfire. I mean, in a world full of people with psychic powers and dozens of abilities that can affect the brain, there's like, no chance Logan could ever get his memories back, realize how badly I screwed him, and end up impaling me and leaving me to my doom in the future, is there? I'm brilliant!"
- There are a lot of decent characters in the film, but none of them get enough screen time. They show up, drop a few one-liners or use their powers, and disappear.
- The special effects. Some scenes are very good, such as the final fight. Others look downright terrible. Logan's claws in the bathroom, most of the motorcycle scene, etc. Which leads me to the worst offense of all...

The Ugly:
-CGI Xavier. So, you have Professor X in your script, but your budget won't allow you to hire the actual Patrick Stewart. Solution? Crib some of his lines from older X-Men movies, and build a computer generated model that is supposed to make us think "young Xavier" but instead takes us plummeting into Uncanny Valley. Nice.

My final verdict? If you have the money to waste, go for it-- it's an easy, enjoyable way to blow a couple of hours. If not, save your hard earned cash for Star Trek, and wait for DVD.

"We will fight them, sir, till hell freezes, and then, sir, we'll fight them on the ice."-Anonymous Confederate Soldier

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